How Perfectionism Fuels Disordered Eating (and How to Break the Cycle)

Written by Stephanie Huls, MSW, RSW

This article is intended for educational and informational purposes only and does not replace personalized care from a registered dietitian, therapist, or healthcare provider. If you’re concerned about your relationship with food or your body, please reach out to a qualified professional who can support you in your healing journey.

Perfectionism LOVES black-and-white thinking, which makes it the ideal companion to diet culture. According to mainstream messaging, food is either clean or dirty, good or bad, healthy or unhealthy. The problem with this is, if our options are limited to “either or,” there is no in-between to your efforts: you either failed or you succeeded. 

Why does this matter? 

When it comes to perfectionism, what feels like setting goals is actually a means to avoid negative feelings like rejection, shame, lack of control, or low self-esteem. It reduces our worth to appearances and performances based on rules that someone else (or a system) came up with and told us was the solution.

Perfectionism is often driven by the very human need for external validation and acceptance, as well as the fear of losing it. In addition, both perfectionism and diet culture can give us positive feedback, the appearance of acceptance, and maybe avoidance of negative outcomes. 

However, while over-performing, burning ourselves out, restrictive eating, or over-exercising can feel like it puts us in control, we actually lose control to the behaviours themselves. 

Try as you might, you won’t ever be able to hit the magic point of “perfect.” Not only because it’s an unachievable goal, but because perfectionism won’t let you. People often succeed in meeting a target, but then the goal post moves because that accomplishment wasn’t enough. 

Rather than thinking, “I reached a goal and now I’m done,” perfectionism can quickly lead us to “you could always restrict more, track more, or think more about your body and eating practices. If this was good, we could do better.” This, unfortunately, is a great entry point to eating disorders and disordered eating behaviours.

Perfectionism isn’t just a risk factor for eating disorders, it maintains it. The rigidity to rules is reframed as “self-discipline,” the restrictive eating is celebrated as “disciplined,” and the closer someone gets to the manufactured idea of an “ideal body,” the more positive reinforcement they get that these unhealthy habits are worth it. And if someone binges or doesn't adhere to a food rule, perfectionism quickly turns this “failure” into negative self-talk, feelings of worthlessness, and shame.

And, being the complementary duo that they are, both diet culture and perfectionism will blame you for being such a failure. 

Perfectionism primes you to get angry at yourself rather than seeing diets as an unreasonable, unattainable, and unhealthy practice, and diet culture thrives on dodging responsibility and blaming you for anything that goes wrong.

Diet culture relies on telling us that any shortcomings are “user error” rather than a flaw with the system. The more you critique it, the more at fault you are.

The diet didn’t work? 

You must not have done it right. 

You developed eating disordered behaviour?

Well, we never said this was a diet, it’s a lifestyle. You must not have done it right. 

You had a bingeing event or struggle with restricting certain foods or portions? 

You must not have the self-control other people do, so (you guessed it) you must not be doing it right. 

How do you get out of this? 

Perfectionism can’t thrive in self-acceptance, self-trust, and giving oneself grace. It is rooted in other people’s expectations and values and avoiding negative experiences, all of which overrides our own voice and true needs. 

One way to explore your relationship to perfectionism and eating is to consider the alternatives. Intuitive eating can help re-establish you as the expert of yourself and empower you to make your own decisions about what feels important to you.

Some questions to reflect on are: 

• What would success in regards to eating look like if it wasn’t perfection? How will I know when I obtain it? 

• What makes me feel important? 

• What behaviours and eating practices are in alignment with my values?

• What makes me feel connected to myself and others?

• What feels good for my body independent of any “ food rules”?

For example, being “perfect” with your eating habits takes a LOT of energy and focus, which pulls you away from connection (one of the things diet culture promises you’d get as a reward) and things that might otherwise bring you joy. Perhaps someone’s values lie more heavily on being able to eat traditional foods on an important holiday, celebrate with dishes that connect to culture and heritage, make a recipe that brings up fond memories of a loved one, or just create something delicious that offers comfort and nostalgia. 

Having nutritious food can still be a part of that, of course, it’s just not replacing the freedom to enjoy foods that bring joy. It’s the difference between “Food is either good or bad,” and “I can focus both on nutritious foods and enjoy foods that are just for pleasure.” Moving away from “either or” towards “both and” takes some practice, but it’s a much more balanced way of being.

And while it may feel stressful and scary at first, there is something beautiful about allowing yourself to be imperfect like the rest of us, and letting people love the version of you that is already wonderful just as you are. 

About the Author

Stephanie Huls (she/her) is a private therapist practicing in Ontario. With 19 years of experience in mental health, addictions, and sexual violence, Stephanie’s focus is on supporting clients with a history of trauma. She values learning more about decolonizing therapy and prioritizes accessing this information from those with lived experiences.

You can find out more about Stephanie and her practice here: Reflection Counselling Services

If this topic brings up difficult emotions or memories for you, please take care and reach out for support.

In Canada, you can contact the National Eating Disorder Information Centre (NEDIC) for free, confidential support by calling 1-866-633-4220 or chatting online at nedic.ca.If you are in crisis, call or text 988 to connect with trained responders through Canada’s Suicide Crisis Helpline (available 24/7 across the country).

Sources/Additional Reading:

Gordon, S. (2013, April 25). The link between perfectionism and eating disorders. Eating Disorder Solutions. https://eatingdisordersolutions.com/the-link-between-perfectionism-and-eating-disorders/

Stackpole, R., Greene, D., Bills, E., Egan, S. (2023). The association between eating disorders and perfectionism in adults: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Eating Behaviors, 50. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.eatbeh.2023.101769